“But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ. For if he that cometh preacheth another Jesus, whom we have not preached, or if ye receive another spirit, which ye have not received, or another gospel, which ye have not accepted, ye might well bear with him.” — 2 Corinthians 11:3-4 (KJV)
Hello, everyone. Over the past week, I have been going through some of the most intense spiritual warfare of my life. I have experienced THE MOST VICIOUS demonic OCD attack of my life, and the enemy has done an amazing job of making it LOOK LIKE I have committed the unpardonable sin and have become irredeemable and unforgivable in Christ’s sight. It has been HORRIFIC, and that’s putting it mildly. HOWEVER, just a little while ago, the Holy Spirit blessed me with what I believe to be a groundbreaking revelation, and I hope and pray and believe that it will be helpful to all my siblings in Christ who suffer this horrific affliction as I do.
For all of my dear, precious sisters and brothers in the Lord who suffer this hellish affliction, I want to tell you that, believe it or not, you and I are actually some of the most blessed human beings on the entire planet.
I’m sure you’re probably thinking, “Some of the most blessed human beings on the entire planet???? IS SHE INSANE?????? OCD IS TORTURE! OCD IS HELL ON EARTH! HOW can she POSSSIBLY say something like that???????”
And, you know what? I get it. I completely and wholeheartedly get it. I understand EXACTLY where you’re coming from as an OCDer myself. While going through this HELLISH affliction of pure, utter psychological TORTURE, I know it SEEMS LIKE and FEELS LIKE we’re some of the most CURSED people on the planet, NOT the most blessed. I know it sounds crazy. But hear me out.
Take a good, hard look at who and what 99.999995% of the most religious people in the world believe in for their salvation. Yes, I’m talking about Buddhists, Muslims, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, etc., but I’m even more so talking about EVANGELICAL CHRISTIANS. The vast majority of EVEN PROFESSING CHRISTIANS are trusting in, relying in, and trying to rest in THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN WORKS to either GET them saved or KEEP them saved. I’m sure many of you are very well aware of the fact that the vast majority of evangelical churches in this world are finding some sort of way to try to backload works into the gospel and preach and teach a subtly false gospel of faith plus works. (Notice, I said a subtly false gospel, NOT an OBVIOUSLY false gospel.) The vast majority of professing Christians believe in and preach and teach a false gospel that only subtly adds or backloads works into the gospel message. It’s NOT very obvious. In fact, it’s so incredibly close to the truth that it’s NOT very easy to see, which is why it’s so dangerous. But it’s a cold, hard, TERRIFYING fact that even the vast majority of PROFESSING CHRISTIANS are trusting in their own works to get saved or stay saved just as much as Buddhists, Muslims, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons, and people of all other false religions in the world are. The vast majority of PROFESSING CHRISTIANS are believing in a false gospel for their eternal salvation every bit as much as the most obvious Christ-rejecters are. In the sight of God, SO MANY professing Christians are no more justified than the most ardent of Muslims, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons, or atheists.
So how does this equate to Christians with scrupulosity, people who are relentlessly subjected to some of the most horrific forms of psychological torture, being so tremendously blessed by God? Think about it. If we DIDN’T have to struggle with our OCD the way we do, if we got to live our lives free from this hellish psychological torture, how likely of a possibility is it that WE would’ve blindly swallowed and believed in THE SAME ACCURSED, SUBTLY FALSE, SATANIC GOSPEL OF FAITH PLUS WORKS just like the vast majority of professing Christians in this world do? If we got to live our lives in the same level of psychological ease and comfort that professing Christians WITHOUT scrupulosity get to enjoy every day, how likely is it that WE wouldn’t have fallen into the exact same trap that the vast majority of humanity has fallen into?
YES, OCD IS PURE, UTTER PSYCHOLOGICAL HELL ON EARTH. I understand that fact VERY well. BUT, OCD IS ALSO A GOD-GIVEN, AUTOMATIC FALSE GOSPEL REPELLANT. Any born-again Christian who has suffered with scrupulosity the way I have all these years knows darned good and well that if there is a way to commit the unpardonable sin, SOMEHOW, we’re going to find a way to do it no matter HOW HARD we try to avoid it, or the filthy devil and all his filthy little minions are going to find a way to convince us that we’ve done it. All of you in the body of Christ who also suffer from scrupulosity know darned good and well that THERE AIN’T NO WAY WE’RE GETTING INTO HEAVEN THROUGH EARNING OR MAINTAINING OUR OWN ETERNAL SALVATION. We ALL know PAINFULLY WELL HOW HOPELESSLY INEPT WE ARE AT GETTING OURSELVES SAVED AND KEEPING OURSELVES SAVED. And that is something EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND, and tragically, the vast majority of them CANNOT and DO NOT understand this because they’re so blinded by their prideful, self-righteous desire to have some kind of a hand in their own salvation. (Yes, there are also those who doubt Eternal Security simply because they’ve been deceived into believing that preaching and teaching conditional security is the way to fight against carnality, but even these dear souls are deceived and badly need to come to the knowledge of the true gospel of grace.) But those of us with scrupulosity are basically forced, by default, to recognize and believe in the TRUE gospel of grace, the TRUE gospel of our eternal salvation, that it is COMPLETELY by GRACE that we are saved, NOT of works, lest any man should boast.
Yes, our struggles with scrupulosity ARE agonizing and terrifying. I am ABSOLUTELY NOT denying that or trying to downplay it. I’m one of the VERY LAST people who would ever do that because I know exactly how it feels to have to live with something in my mind that makes it constantly look like I have committed the unpardonable sin and have a good chance of suffering endless eternal torture in the fires of hell forever. But as hellish as the psychological torture of OCD is, if it drives us to trusting in JESUS and IN HIS PRICELESS SHED BLOOD AT THE CROSS to pay for EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF OUR SINS, and prevents us from buying into even the most subtle false gospel of faith plus works, and if it drives us to preach and promote the TRUE gospel of grace and call out those who preach even the most subtle false gospel of faith plus works, then IT IS MORE THAN WORTH IT. So hang in there, my most precious siblings in Christ who struggle with this hellish affliction as I do. Stay strong. Hold your head up and keep ruining the devil’s day by preaching and continuing to hold fast to and continuing to believe in the TRUE gospel of grace. It may not always SEEM LIKE IT or FEEL LIKE IT, but JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU AND CARE FOR YOU AND EMPATHIZE WITH YOU SO VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH. (And for all those professing Christians out there who understand NOTHING of our hellish, torturous affliction and have the nerve and the gall and the audacity to look down through your noses on us and think we have lesser, weaker faith than you do and are lesser, weaker Christians than you are, as so many in the church tend to think about us OCDers, with all due respect, get over yourselves! Stop thinking like the Pharisee who believed he was oh, sooooo much better in the sight of God than the tax collector and remember that you need the grace of Christ to pay for every single last one of your sins just as much as we do!) (((BIG HUGS))) to everyone out there who needs one right now, ESPECIALLY those of you who also struggle with the hellish affliction of OCD. Jesus loves you SO MUCH and He is ALWAYS with you and He has been all along! Much love to you all, and may Jesus abundantly bless you all.
Please keep everyone struggling with suicidal thoughts in your prayers, and if you’re in the U.S. and you know someone who is suicidal, please share this vital number with them of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 or simply dial 988.
The Oasis Blog 